Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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