Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
