At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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