You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
