I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
