Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
