I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
