I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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