He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
