those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize
