Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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