Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
