thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
