he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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