Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I came so hard my ears popped.
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