I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
