So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
