I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
