Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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