i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
