Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
