Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
from now on my penis is your penis
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
He better not be in your backpack
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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