You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
