I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
