We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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