im gay
i know
yea but for you.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Randomize
