Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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