Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
