mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
