im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
He has the fingertips of a God
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
