Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
