i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night�
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
