somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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