just come out here and I will go home with you...
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
