if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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