What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
