i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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