oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
