Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Randomize
