you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
