I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
