This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
