I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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