He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize