My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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