ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
