No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
