Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
