I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
