so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
