marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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