how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
